I don’t normally post things as honest as I’m about to post. And by that I mean I will be referring to people by their names. If this offends you, then you shouldn’t have read it.
First off I’d like to apologize for the phone mishap. It has been remedied.
Secondly I’d like to go into my schooling. I have officially been accepted to the University of Colorado, Colorado Springs. I will start in June. There still is a few things I have to do, and have to wait for. Such as my orientation class, which I will take June 6th. I still have to sing up for my classes, but that can be done directly after my orientation. And I still have to receive my award letter. Which states how much aid I will be getting. But again this Monday I plan to go up to the school and talk to the financial aid department and find out if I qualify for anything else as far as loans and grants go. (It would be sweet if someone would go with me. ^__^ Hint-hint LeAnn!!) However, once I get all of that taken care of, and I have a list of classes, and am going to them my time will become no longer existent. So all of you that have been used to me being around, and able to come do what ever when ever will just have to forgive me, for I will no longer be able to do so. When I’m not in school or, *hopefully* still watching my sisters children, (given that I plan to try to work my schooling around that) I will be busy doing homework, and studying with either Jerrod-for Math and Science, my mother over then phone-for French, or my father-for History.
I know that there will be a few people disappointed in my decision to make school my number one priority, and think that I should re-evaluated my life. But you all can fuck off. I have never mislead anyone to think that my priorities were anything but, My family, my schooling, my friends, and then other. This also may mean that my “other” will become no longer existent. But there are certain things, like tattooing, and going out that I like, but am not willing to make it my life. It’s just something I do because it’s fun. Eventually when I grow up, and get my degree I will be a teacher. And thus I will shed my skin, and remove the metal from my face, stop coloring my hair in bizarre colors, and cover up any visible tattoos I may have. If you have issue with this, please feel free to go fuck yourself. I have made up my mind, and school is where I am going.
And thirdly, I’d like to discuss the negative in my life…
There are two people currently in my life that are facing their last season. One I believe still has a fight in her, but still that I worry over. And one who is facing what will come next.
Christa, my mother-in-law is a 71 year old, old school (like Nazi old school) German woman. Who has seen war, hatred for the sake of hatred, the birth of four children from her own womb, and one more that she has spent her life raising as her own. But as the years go by, her health is starting to fail. She’s not the woman she used to be by any accounts, not even the one I met only a year and a half ago. I fear that she may pass before anyone is ready to see her off.
Allen, my Grandfather, and the patriarch of the Daigle family. He’s in the twilight of his life and his light is fading quickly. He’s dying of cancer. There is nothing left for anyone to do, and even if there was he wants nothing to do with it. He has accepted that his time here is coming to and end, and that he has lived a good life, and seen all he cares to. (I know, because I’ve asked him) He was once a strong, tall, stoic man. And now there is a shell of what he once was. And I would assume this is how it will be for everyone when their time comes. I am not sad that he is leaving this world, and the pain he is in. I choose not to celebrate death. What I am sad over is the fact that my children, his great-grand children will not get to know the great man I know. They will not remember him as I do. And I feel somehow that they, my two sons, have been cheated out of a wonderful gift. I worry about how his death will affect my father, and my two sisters, and the rest of my family. I worry about how much longer after his death my Grandmother will walk this earth. I am sad for that. And its not that I do not want to be the rock for them, but simply I fear that I will not know what to do, or what to say to ease their pain and loss. I do not know how to sing the story of my Grandfather to my children…